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End of decade lists are officially a “thing,” so in the spirit of the thing, here is one man’s list of the top four years of the decade. Why four? Because while it might be a “thing” I will not do the expected top ten, I AM MY OWN MAN DAMMIT! And David Letterman scares me with his expensive, angry lawyers.

#4 – 2006
MTV turns Twenty Five and music videos start becoming antiques, a fine example is Olivia Newton-John’s “Physical.” Dick Cheney (allegedly) in the depths of an ether binge and hopped up on The Stooges classic “Raw Power” shotguns one of his friends in the face. Taylor Hicks (wtf?) “wins” American Idol, he is currently the drive through manager at a Wendee’s in Sioux City, Iowa, still rockin’ the headset mic. Fidel Castro of Cuba cedes power to his brother Raul. USA 1 – Communism 0. The Billboard top 5 artists/albums of 2006;

I’m not sure that the sales charts mean anything after the advent of p2p networks, but these were the sales leaders. I feel like Sexxyback has been around for far longer than four years. Also notable in 2006, I had a Blackberry and an expense account. That didn’t end well.

#3 – 2000
Napster sued by Metallica and eventually shut down, narrowly averting a crisis in the recording industry, whew that was close. There is a lot of disagreement over whether 2000 or 1999 marked the start of the decade; this was settled in 2009 when all of these decade lists started showing up. 2000 started at midnight on a Saturday, proving that the future wasn’t all that different from the past. There was an election in the U.S. and about half of the people were pissed about the results, but that’s pretty much what happens after every election without Ronald Reagan. The Billboard top 5 artists/albums of 2006;

Wow, these 5 are all over the map, sort of. Britney and Justin were totally a couple, and a surprisingly large cohort of humans believed Britney was a virgin, it turns out that she was, in homage to Madonna, “Like” a Virgin. It truly was a simpler time.

#2 – 1999
Prince had this shit on lockdown, recognizing in 1982 that he might be in need of a career resurrection seventeen years down the line. He took care of business with this club banger and did indeed see a groundswell of appreciation for his output at the very start of the decade. 1999 was also sweet because I got a cell phone and never looked back. In addition to all of these awesome things the Y2k bug stormed the public consciousness, and was a complete flop. Billions of dollars and millions of man hours were wasted, prefiguring the internet in many ways. The Billboard top 5 artists/albums of 1999;

Hmmmm, you say the recording industry kind of nosedived as far as revenue is concerned in the past decade, where did that come from? Also, what was in the water? Apparently it was powerful, if you can find any please let me know. Moving on…

#1 – 1901
Wolfgang Amadeus Phoenix. OK, OK I know that this is a song and not a year, but it contains basically everything we need out of a list like this. Cadillac uses this song in their current ad campaign, and Mike “The Situation” from “Jersey Shore” has Cadillac tattooed on his ribcage. This wholly improbable confluence is the perfect capstone for the decade. The parade of the absurd that started in 1999 is brought full circle in 1901. The song also fills dance floors just like 1999 did in 1985, if that makes any sense. There were no Billboard charts for 1901 so no top 5, and since 2009 ain’t over yet, I’m gonna leave that be as well.

- Luke Griffin