MusicBoxer.com

You guys! I’m back! And it only took a little (read: huge) guilt trip from my boss here at Music Boxer! But whatevs. This isn’t about me. This is about Katy Perry.

OMG, you guys! Katy Parry and some British wanker that thinks he’s funny (when he so clearly isn’t) are getting married for some reason! Surely you’ve heard about this because it’s the only non-death related celebrity news we’ve had in – like, forever. It’s literally been forever since we have heard about something other than some celebrity taking too many (prescription?) pills and landing face down on their really expensive shag carpet. So hooray for no death news today but boo for someone marrying Katy Perry. But whatever. We can’t get our first divorce without getting married first – that’s what I always say. But seriously you guys, Russell Brand? The guy was funny for about 5 minutes in that movie he was in (Forgetting Something-or-other) and has been a complete disaster as host of the MTV Whatever-We-Don’t-Care-Anymore awards.

You guys. None of this matters though because we should all go live on Pandora – where everything is perfect and wonderful – except the asshole humans. We can get ready for the move to Pandora by painting our faces like my friend here.

You guys! For serial. We can do this. If we paint our faces and pray to the big tree hard enough we can go to Pandora – where we will never, ever care about some dumb skank with very little talent and the dumb British wanker she is marrying.