MusicBoxer.com

You guys! I know! It’s been like, forever! A girl’s got to keep things mysterious.

Did you guys see that Billy Corgan is holding open auditions for a new Smashing Pumpkins bass player? I’m serious you guys. Look: http://www.smashingpumpkins.com/pressrelease.php

Is this real life? What happened to Billy Corgan and the Smashing Pumpkins? I bet it’s the Jesus thing. If it isn’t the Jesus thing than I’m sure the Jesus thing isn’t helping. Seriously you guys. Ten years ago Billy wouldn’t have had to do this. Ten years ago there would be 10,000 people that would give their left nut (gross!) to be in Smashing Pumpkins and would let Billy know that they would give their left nut (GROSS!) to be in Smashing Pumpkins every day. But now, in 2010 – 10 years after the Smashing Pumpkins should have stayed broken (broke? Broked? Brokened?) up – there isn’t anyone on deck? No one has told Billy “hey guy, let me know if there is ever an opening and I’ll jump on that shit”? In 2010 Billy has to have an “open” audition because he doesn’t know anyone that wants to be in his band.

Billy, guy, seriously, get your shit together. I don’t know what shit of yours is all whacked out but guy, get it back together. The songs you are releasing are really kinda just blah and you don’t have anyone that likes you enough to play bass in your band. Someone call Dr. Drew because Billy needs to go to butthole rehab. Not rehab for his butthole – I mean rehab for being a butthole. I just want to make sure everyone reads that right – one is sad and the other is wrong.

And bass? Bass? You guys! A 10 year old with narcolepsy could play bass for Smashing Pumpkins. Listen to those songs and tell me that you, not knowing anything about bass playing couldn’t play bass on those songs.

Billy, seriously. We are all really, really worried about you. We need you to have your shit together or we need to not care about whether or not you have your shit together.