MusicBoxer.com

Ex-Talking Head’s singer, David Byrne, apparently thinks that Bono is a hypocrite for parading around the world on his high horse and lecturing us lesser humans on giving money to charity and taking care of the environment. Geez, David, what a dick thing to say. Why on earth would you ever say that about one of the greatest humanitarians of our time? Oh, wait…

The singer/songwriter complains the band’s ongoing 360 global trek has cost millions to stage – money which would have been better spent helping Bono’s various charity campaigns. [ZING!! – Ed.]

Byrne also targets Bono’s environmental concerns, insisting there is nothing planet-friendly about the hundreds of trucks needed to transport U2’s massive set across the world. [Oh Burn!! – Ed.]

In a post on his website, he writes, “Those stadium shows may possibly be the most extravagant and expensive (production-wise) ever: $40 million to build the stage and, having done the math, we estimate 200 semi trucks crisscrossing Europe for the duration. [SKA-DOOSH!! – Ed.]

“It could be professional envy speaking here, but it sure looks like, well, overkill, and just a wee bit out of balance given all the starving people in Africa and all.” [Consider yourself served, Bono. – Ed.]

In response, Bono informed David that “[Bono] is rubber and [David] is glue and whatever he says bounces off of me and sticks to you” before turning to Bishop Desmond Tutu and requesting a “high five.”

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Guitarist extraordinaire, Eddie Van Halen, underwent surgery on his hand recently. When asked how he hurt the hand, Eddie mumbled something about “telling that bitch again…and again…and again…” Aww, just joking.

“During the last leg of our tour, I started developing pain in my thumb and my pinky. I didn’t think much of it at the time,” the guitarist says. “It got progressively worse to the point that about three months ago I wasn’t able to play at all. My pinky and my thumb were totally locked up and felt like there was something broken.”

Van Halen sought out specialists in Düsseldorf, Germany, who initially began treating the guitarist for arthritis, but soon discovered a bone spur, twisted tendon and a cyst in the joint of his left thumb.

Man, sounds rough, but I can TOTALLY relate. I’ve been recovering from a wrist injury I incurred from all of the dismissive, wanking motions that I’ve been doing over the new Pearl Jam single.

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Madonna, who is also known as “Crazy Crack Whore-looking, French-killing Zombie Bitch” by Guy Ritchie, is readying a new greatest hits compilation. According to Rolling Stoner:

Madonna confirmed plans to release her definitive greatest hits compilation Celebration today, due September 29th as both a single and double album. As if the lure of 37 Top 10 hits wasn’t enough, Celebration will also feature a pair of new tracks she recently recorded in New York…

Hmmm…so what do you think the odds are that the two new tracks are titled “Sorry My Stage Fell and Crushed Your Arrogant Frog Skull” and “Shoulda Tightened That Bolt, Frenchie?”

What…too soon?

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I know a lot of you are having a tough time keeping it together after the news that the Taco Bell Chihuahua (more like Chihua-WOW!! – .ed) died, but I have brought along someone to help. His name is Rick Astley…and no, girl…he’s never gonna give you up…or hurt you…like that prick Chris Brown.

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Apparently, Rivers Cuomo’s eccentric tastes extend far beyond giving up sex and giving all of his shit away. Cuomo, who is the lead singer of Weezer, also likes to wear sleevy blankets so much he is marketing his own…with the help of the original sleevy blanket, the Snuggie.

Cuomo told Rolling Stone, “A Wuggie is basically exactly like a Snuggie, except it says Weezer on it. The people at Snuggie are doing it with us and promoting it with us. It’s a totally legit Snuggie.”

“A totally legit Snuggie?” No thank you, Rivers. A jock back in high school gave me one of those once and I had to dig my underwear out of the crack of my ass with a pair of needle-nosed pliers and a knitting needle.

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