Weezer’s gonna teach baby Jesus to whine. Guess what? Weezer made a six song disc of Christmas carols. Why do you care? So you can avoid it like the plague. Lacking dynamics, creativity and depth this album can’t even call itself worthy of the rock-legend catalog of holiday puerile dredge. A caveat: My favorite Christmas-themed album is Bad Religion’s Christmas Sampler. My favorite songs involving the holidays usually involve prison, such as John Prine’s “Christmas in Prison” or The Pogue’s brilliant “Fairytale of New York.” And I could not stand Sarah Mclachlan’s venture. Ami Mann’s take on the season was by far the best recent attempt. So an empty carol entry was bound to fail in my eyes. And it did. The characteristic successes of Weezer involve building stunning emotional crests out of simple subtle initial introspection. One might expect that a carol such as “Oh Holy Night” could surge in a similar fashion. Instead it enters with a basic arpeggio and Cuomo whining. Enter the drums after one line and the song has reached climax. One finds a yearning to hear Cartman’s rendition. At least that song has motivation. The altogether much too brief guitar solos in “Oh Holy Night” and “We Wish You a Merry Christmas” are the only points of excitement in the entire release. Besides these moments the songs enter at the same level and volume as they exit. No one wants to be wished a merry Christmas by a generic distorted guitar rhythm track. But they will be playing the fuck out of this thing in Macy’s Elevators and around Dillard’s escalators next year I promise you. So look out for these tracks and dodge them before they hit your ears. |
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